December 8, 2015

I’m reminiscing today. My parents dragged us to a lot of yard sales when we were little. It scarred us for life. Seriously, we can hardly stand to hear or see the words.

For some reason, a certain yard sale popped in my head today. I can’t tell you how to get there, or if Daddy knew the people. If he didn’t, I’m sure he did before we left. I don’t even remember if Moma was there. At this particular yard sale, there was a Puppy Surprise in the toys. (It’s a little dog that has puppies inside a Velcro pouch under its belly, which is very informative now that I think about it O.o They made that for children!?) I wanted that little dog so bad. I loved the idea of a doggy that came with puppies. I don’t remember asking for it, but I’m sure I pestered the tar out of him for it.

I was thinking how unenlightened children are about things. I didn’t grow up with a lot of money or many expensive things. I’m perfectly okay with that. Actually, I’m just plain grateful. I had a lot of love and parents that would do anything for their kids. Looking back, I feel so bad that I bothered my parents with unimportant things I thought I needed. I had everything I needed! I never went without food or clothes. I feel bad that the few dollars I wanted for that toy were probably the last we had until payday.

You realize a lot more when you grow up. Paydays are far apart and money is gone in a flash when you have bills due.

I wish I had been more appreciative to my daddy when he was here. He didn’t always do the right thing 100% of the time, but I don’t know of anyone who has. I’m so thankful to have spent as much time with him as I got to, although I don’t feel like it was nearly enough. I’ll always miss him. It doesn’t seem like there’s a light at the end of this tunnel. People say time heals the pain. It doesn’t. You just learn to live with it. It still hurts and it always will, despite what people say. If time healed your hurt, you must not have loved whomever you lost very much. He’s my daddy and I don’t have him and that will ALWAYS tear me apart.

November 17, 2015

My daddy passed away. I can’t believe I’m saying it. I don’t believe it even though I said it. He’s supposed to be sitting in his chair blowing my phone up. I’ve seen him walking in the back yard. I can hear him cough and sneeze. I’m never gonna see him again. He’s not here to pick on me or annoy me with his opinions. I’d give anything to have him here when I get married. Ugh, marriage. He’ll never have a chance to see who I marry, or walk me down the aisle. He won’t get to see his grandkids grow up. He didn’t even see any of them graduate kindergarten. Cameron won’t remember much; Dallas won’t remember anything at all. It’s not fair. I’m sad. I’m angry. I’m happy for him. He isn’t suffering anymore. He’s not getting confused or talking about the past. He has his mansion in heaven and we’re stuck here. I’m in shock. I’m in awe. I’m in denial. I am sick of humans. I’m tired of people asking how I’m doing. How do they expect me to be doing? How would they feel? They don’t know exactly how I feel. They haven’t lost MY dad. He drove me insane. He drove me crazy. I inherited his crazy. I also got his lack of patience. I inherited his ability to love people one second and be completely done with all of them the next and want to be alone. I got his fascination with death. I like reading obituaries and going to the cemeteries. I like knowing who is related to whom, and I will start a story and not finish it because I'm trying to explain who someone is. I can't even allow myself to think that any of this is real. It's just not right.

September 21, 2015

There's no reason to lie. I'm mad. Madder than I have ever been. It's not fair that daddy has cancer. It's not fair that it came back, when the whole reason he took chemo and radiation was to prevent it from doing so. I believe there's a cure for cancer. And that they get so much money for treatments and tests, that they won't tell. I'm mad at a little purple bracelet that he has decided to wear that says DNR on it. I can't lose my daddy. It's not fair that he won't be here to walk me down the aisle. It's not fair that he won't get to see his grandchildren grow up. It's not fair that he wants to leave us when we need him so badly. What are we supposed to do without him? He plays a major part in our dysfunctional family. We may be crazy, but it works. It's always worked somehow or another. He has to be here every morning to tell me to be careful on the way to work. He has to be there to randomly cook me an egg sandwich at 4am. I've always been a Daddy's Girl. I don't want that title to be taken away from me. I don't want to see him how he is. I want to see his big belly and us pick on him about his due date. I want to joke on him about not having a butt. I want to say something to get him riled up and laugh at him when I tell him it's a joke. It's just not fair. It's not. And I'm not ever going to think that it is. I can't lose my dad. 

Going to the castle and we're gonna get married ♫

The week is here!! Stephanie and Caleb are getting married in 4 days! I can't believe it has gotten here so fast. I am very happy for them and I know they'll have a happy life together. ♥

That being said, I am so MAD. I haven't been sick much this year, which is unusual for me. I get so many sinus infections that I don't even bother going to the doctor because I know what they're going to say.
Well, my stupid little self has decided to be sick the week prior to the wedding! I went to the Dr to get a shot to make it better, and he acted like it wasn't a big deal and didn't even give me the shot. I am going to be sniffling and coughing throughout the wedding. >_< Please pray for me if you think about it!

Maybe I can get good at this blogging thing. O.o

This is my second post this month; that's gotta be a record!! 

It's been a busy couple of weeks. When I look back, it doesn't seem like that much. But I have felt busier than it looks like I've been. •_•

Cameron turned four last Monday. Time has just flown by since we first heard he was coming. It's sad but so exciting that he is growing into an adorable little boy instead of a baby faced toddler. :( We went to Chuck E. Cheese to celebrate and I tell you, I had more fun that night than I ever have there!! I enjoyed it so much. (Besides the giant robots.) I was planning on going to church Wednesday, but I fell asleep and didn't get ready on time. :|

Friday night, I went to see The Inspirations, The McKameys, and Archie Watkins & Smoky Mountain Reunion. I haven't seen them since April, so I was beyond overdue for a singing!  It was a lovely night, as always ^_^ 

It's always great when I get to catch up with them. :)

I spent Saturday night and Sunday night with Stephanie, Caleb, and a lot of Caleb's family playing games. It was super fun. :D

It's less than a month until they get married. It's a bittersweet feeling. :')

• July 16, 2015 •

On this day last year, I blogged about how the past six years were some of the best, yet worst years of my life. 

It has now been seven years, and I'm glad to say that everything has changed.

As some of you know, it was about Andrew. We were kids when we met and we did a lot of childish things. We had a tumultuous past. (Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all bad.) But we've forgiven each other and Jesus has forgiven us. (Still so thankful that he received the Holy Ghost!!) I've gotten a friend who knows everything I went through, because he was there with me. I'm no longer angry towards the situation, nor do I have any involvement in drama. We just had a lot of growing up to do to get us where we are today and I'm glad that we did. {I'm not saying that we're mature either, cuz Jesus knows lolol}

I just want to thank God for how He has turned everything around and made it better than before. :) #7162015

*We're just friends in case anyone thought otherwise lolol*

Death could not hold our King! ♥♫

That's a line from a song The Inspirations sang called The Night Before Easter. I thought it was fitting. :)  {Here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDMjpvNsi-o&feature=youtu.be }

I went to see The Inspirations & Archie Watkins and Smoky Mountain Reunion, and it was awesome! They have a singing the night before Easter every year. I go see them when they're close enough, and I'm never disappointed :) :) They have been having some lineup changes lately, and this is the first time I've seen them since it's changed. I loved Jon & Daron, but sometimes in life you have to move on to other things. I really missed them tonight, but the new guys are great too! Harold could really hit those high notes and Joe got pretty low. They did a wonderful job; I was impressed. Here are a few pics from the night :D

Mrs. Cindy! She's Archie's wife. Sweetest little lady you will ever meet. :)

Archie Watkins - Tenor for AW&SMR. :)

Eddie Dietz - Baritone for AW&SMR. He was my favorite original. He kissed me on the cheek when I told him that. :')

Troy Burns, lead for AW&SMR :)

Marlin Shubert - Bass for AW&SMR. :)

Luke Vaught - Musician for The Inspirations. :)

Harold Reed - The Inspirations new tenor. :)

Matt Dibler - Lead singer for The Inspirations. :)

Martin Cook - Piano player for The Inspirations. The man who started it all 51 years ago. :)

Joe Brown - New bass singer for The Inspirations. :)

Melton Campbell - Baritone for The Inspirations. :)

I hope yall have a great Easter. He is risen! ♥♥♥

Once again, I've gotten really bad at this. Or I've never gotten good at it...

It's been over a month since I posted anything on here. O.o

That afternoon, I had a consultation with an orthodontist {Dr. Durham is the best, btw!},
AND (insert drumroll here) after wanting/needing them as long as I can remember, I've gotten braces!! :D I've had them almost 3 weeks now, and let me tell ya, that first week was torture. My mouth felt like there were razors slicing my cheeks open. After I got over that, I had to learn how to chew again. If you know me at all, you know I can't deal with stuff interrupting my eating! xD It's been a pretty good road since then. I accidentally ate a piece off of them yesterday and didn't realize it until I went to brush my teeth after lunch. They fixed it in less than 2 minutes; they're thebomb.com :)

Spring has finally sprung around here. There are flowers blooming, green grass growing, and fish biting! I got a new fishing pole this year. I had been dying to go fishing, and I finally got to last week. I begged daddy to go with me, and finally talked him into it. He cast maybe 3 times and caught a fish! Then Tate got to the pond and caught a couple. Syrenia came and even she caught something!! (No offense, S♥) It was getting close to 6:30 when Tyler came out there and he caught one in less than 10 minutes. I think their total catches were Daddy - 3, Tate - 3, Syrenia - 2, and Tyler - 1 [He wasn't out there very long, though.] After me nearly dying to go, I ended up not catching a single fish. >_< But, I may be going again this weekend, so I'm sure I'll catch something then!!

I finally got my Easter outfit together with just a few days to spare. I'm wearing a lace coral dress with a white cardigan & brown shoes (that took forever and a day to find because I'm so picky!) I wasn't too sure about the dress at first, but it'll do. We're having our annual "Relay for Life Bake Sale" at work Friday. Hopefully it'll be a hit!! I guess I;m about to head to the kitchen to bake. Wish me luck!!



•Luke 24:1-3•

^{1 Now upon the first [day] of the week, very early in the morning, they came unto the sepulchre, bringing the spices which they had prepared, and certain [others] with them.

² And they found the stone rolled away from the sepulchre.

³ And they entered in, and found not the body of the Lord Jesus.}

Monday night adventures.

Last night was a hilarious fail. Whitney and I decided to ride our bikes in the 30◦ weather. I looked all over for my bike and couldn’t find it. I’m pretty sure it was stolen >_< So I had to borrow Tate’s bike. Then I realized I don’t have an SUV anymore. How in the world was I going to get that bike to Ardmore in a little Camry!? After I laid my seats down, I finally got the bike in my trunk with the help of Uncle Keith.

When I get to Whitney’s, she’s kinda thinking we’re crazy for doing this because of the weather, but I kept telling her, “We’ll be ok! We’re gonna be moving, so we’ll stay warm!!” I think we had on 3 or 4 layers each. We looked like eskimos. She went to look for her bike and the tires were flat -_- We decided to ride anyway. We got to the church behind her house and we couldn’t go any further. It was way too hard to pedal those stupid flat tires. We ended up going back to her house, ordering Chinese, and watched The Bachelor.

Speaking of, I am so mad that he sent Kaitlyn home! I really don’t like Whitney (on the show; I love my Whit!), and I think that’s who he’s going to end up with. I like Becca, but I understand why he’s leery of choosing her. If I had to choose between someone who loved me and someone who wasn’t there yet, I’d probably pick Whitney, too. I really really liked Kaitlyn though! I think he should’ve chosen her. They are adorable together and they’ve had an obvious connection since the beginning. But whatever, it’s just a TV show.

I have an appointment today to see about something that could really change my future. I’ve wanted it for a long time and it just seemed like it might actually be feasible with my life now. (Pray for me if you think about it!)

I’m sure you guys will find out about it soon :) I hope yall have a fantastic rest of the week and stay warm with this junky weather they say we’re going to have again :(

“Life is like riding a bicycle; in order to keep your balance, you must keep moving.”

Welcome to my brain!

It's been a while since I've blogged, so bear with me. xP 

I got my hair permed for the first time Monday. It took about 4 hours and it is so voluminous now! I haven't quite figured out how to tame it, but it's great because I don't have to worry about bedhead. I can just wake up and go about my business without having to stress over my hair. I love it! <3

This week has been so hectic and freezing! I'm not usually one to complain about mother nature, but I can't stand this weather. It has chilled me to the bone and I don't handle it well. All I want to do is sleep and drink coffee. (Actually, I can't blame that on the weather; that's how I normally am.)  Little Spike isn't made for this kind of weather either. Poor baby has been snuggled up for days. :(

I hope all of you stay warm and toasty this weekend! I think I'll end this with a quote. 

"Be silly. Be honest. Be kind." - Ralph Waldo Emerson.

July 16, 2008, the best/worst day of my life.

NOTE: This is NOT to diss anyone in my past! Also, I'm not trying to get pity or whine about not having a guy in my life. I'm where God wants me to be & whoever is supposed to be in my life right now is already here. :)


Six years ago today, I began the biggest trial I’ve had to face so far.

I was sitting in a little church in Georgia, and there was a boy sitting in the back who wouldn’t quit staring at me. We were down there for revival, & he stared at me every service. It really creeped me out. He kept trying to talk to me & get my phone number, but I didn’t want anything to do with him. Well, he grew on me & I gave him my number Friday before I headed home. We were 14 & I had never had a boyfriend before, so I was over the clouds. We ended up having the most toxic relationship I’ve ever seen. Neither of us was good for each other. It turned into “You hurt me, so I’m going to hurt you.” It was all about getting even. We would break up, then get back together, then break up again. I would get mad because he would talk to girls. He would talk to more because it got such a reaction. We should’ve ended it before it got so bad, but we had so many memories that I just couldn’t leave. I don’t really know why he stayed. This went on for 5 & ½ years. I turned into a horrible person. I didn’t trust anybody. Girls were competition. I started doing things that I regret now. Nobody liked being around us. (People thought it was all me. That was NOT true, but I’m not getting into that.)

One day, I just got tired of it all & stopped talking to him. I am so glad that I finally got sense enough to do that. He has a girlfriend now, and I’m glad. I want him to be happy.

In the time since him, I have gotten so much closer to my friends. I’ve had more time with my family, & gotten closer to them. I’ve had time to do what I want & not have to worry about upsetting someone. I’m glad that I have such awesome people around me that I know will be there when I need them. I’m turning into a person I can actually be proud of being. The past shapes us into the person we are. Even if the past was bad, we can take it & learn from it. I think I’ve started to do that. For that, I’m thankful. :)