September 21, 2015

There's no reason to lie. I'm mad. Madder than I have ever been. It's not fair that daddy has cancer. It's not fair that it came back, when the whole reason he took chemo and radiation was to prevent it from doing so. I believe there's a cure for cancer. And that they get so much money for treatments and tests, that they won't tell. I'm mad at a little purple bracelet that he has decided to wear that says DNR on it. I can't lose my daddy. It's not fair that he won't be here to walk me down the aisle. It's not fair that he won't get to see his grandchildren grow up. It's not fair that he wants to leave us when we need him so badly. What are we supposed to do without him? He plays a major part in our dysfunctional family. We may be crazy, but it works. It's always worked somehow or another. He has to be here every morning to tell me to be careful on the way to work. He has to be there to randomly cook me an egg sandwich at 4am. I've always been a Daddy's Girl. I don't want that title to be taken away from me. I don't want to see him how he is. I want to see his big belly and us pick on him about his due date. I want to joke on him about not having a butt. I want to say something to get him riled up and laugh at him when I tell him it's a joke. It's just not fair. It's not. And I'm not ever going to think that it is. I can't lose my dad.