November 17, 2015

My daddy passed away. I can’t believe I’m saying it. I don’t believe it even though I said it. He’s supposed to be sitting in his chair blowing my phone up. I’ve seen him walking in the back yard. I can hear him cough and sneeze. I’m never gonna see him again. He’s not here to pick on me or annoy me with his opinions. I’d give anything to have him here when I get married. Ugh, marriage. He’ll never have a chance to see who I marry, or walk me down the aisle. He won’t get to see his grandkids grow up. He didn’t even see any of them graduate kindergarten. Cameron won’t remember much; Dallas won’t remember anything at all. It’s not fair. I’m sad. I’m angry. I’m happy for him. He isn’t suffering anymore. He’s not getting confused or talking about the past. He has his mansion in heaven and we’re stuck here. I’m in shock. I’m in awe. I’m in denial. I am sick of humans. I’m tired of people asking how I’m doing. How do they expect me to be doing? How would they feel? They don’t know exactly how I feel. They haven’t lost MY dad. He drove me insane. He drove me crazy. I inherited his crazy. I also got his lack of patience. I inherited his ability to love people one second and be completely done with all of them the next and want to be alone. I got his fascination with death. I like reading obituaries and going to the cemeteries. I like knowing who is related to whom, and I will start a story and not finish it because I'm trying to explain who someone is. I can't even allow myself to think that any of this is real. It's just not right.

September 21, 2015

There's no reason to lie. I'm mad. Madder than I have ever been. It's not fair that daddy has cancer. It's not fair that it came back, when the whole reason he took chemo and radiation was to prevent it from doing so. I believe there's a cure for cancer. And that they get so much money for treatments and tests, that they won't tell. I'm mad at a little purple bracelet that he has decided to wear that says DNR on it. I can't lose my daddy. It's not fair that he won't be here to walk me down the aisle. It's not fair that he won't get to see his grandchildren grow up. It's not fair that he wants to leave us when we need him so badly. What are we supposed to do without him? He plays a major part in our dysfunctional family. We may be crazy, but it works. It's always worked somehow or another. He has to be here every morning to tell me to be careful on the way to work. He has to be there to randomly cook me an egg sandwich at 4am. I've always been a Daddy's Girl. I don't want that title to be taken away from me. I don't want to see him how he is. I want to see his big belly and us pick on him about his due date. I want to joke on him about not having a butt. I want to say something to get him riled up and laugh at him when I tell him it's a joke. It's just not fair. It's not. And I'm not ever going to think that it is. I can't lose my dad. 

Going to the castle and we're gonna get married ♫

The week is here!! Stephanie and Caleb are getting married in 4 days! I can't believe it has gotten here so fast. I am very happy for them and I know they'll have a happy life together. ♥

That being said, I am so MAD. I haven't been sick much this year, which is unusual for me. I get so many sinus infections that I don't even bother going to the doctor because I know what they're going to say.
Well, my stupid little self has decided to be sick the week prior to the wedding! I went to the Dr to get a shot to make it better, and he acted like it wasn't a big deal and didn't even give me the shot. I am going to be sniffling and coughing throughout the wedding. >_< Please pray for me if you think about it!

Maybe I can get good at this blogging thing. O.o

This is my second post this month; that's gotta be a record!! 

It's been a busy couple of weeks. When I look back, it doesn't seem like that much. But I have felt busier than it looks like I've been. •_•

Cameron turned four last Monday. Time has just flown by since we first heard he was coming. It's sad but so exciting that he is growing into an adorable little boy instead of a baby faced toddler. :( We went to Chuck E. Cheese to celebrate and I tell you, I had more fun that night than I ever have there!! I enjoyed it so much. (Besides the giant robots.) I was planning on going to church Wednesday, but I fell asleep and didn't get ready on time. :|

Friday night, I went to see The Inspirations, The McKameys, and Archie Watkins & Smoky Mountain Reunion. I haven't seen them since April, so I was beyond overdue for a singing!  It was a lovely night, as always ^_^ 

It's always great when I get to catch up with them. :)

I spent Saturday night and Sunday night with Stephanie, Caleb, and a lot of Caleb's family playing games. It was super fun. :D

It's less than a month until they get married. It's a bittersweet feeling. :')

• July 16, 2015 •

On this day last year, I blogged about how the past six years were some of the best, yet worst years of my life. 

It has now been seven years, and I'm glad to say that everything has changed.

As some of you know, it was about Andrew. We were kids when we met and we did a lot of childish things. We had a tumultuous past. (Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all bad.) But we've forgiven each other and Jesus has forgiven us. (Still so thankful that he received the Holy Ghost!!) I've gotten a friend who knows everything I went through, because he was there with me. I'm no longer angry towards the situation, nor do I have any involvement in drama. We just had a lot of growing up to do to get us where we are today and I'm glad that we did. {I'm not saying that we're mature either, cuz Jesus knows lolol}

I just want to thank God for how He has turned everything around and made it better than before. :) #7162015

*We're just friends in case anyone thought otherwise lolol*

Death could not hold our King! ♥♫

That's a line from a song The Inspirations sang called The Night Before Easter. I thought it was fitting. :)  {Here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDMjpvNsi-o&feature=youtu.be }

I went to see The Inspirations & Archie Watkins and Smoky Mountain Reunion, and it was awesome! They have a singing the night before Easter every year. I go see them when they're close enough, and I'm never disappointed :) :) They have been having some lineup changes lately, and this is the first time I've seen them since it's changed. I loved Jon & Daron, but sometimes in life you have to move on to other things. I really missed them tonight, but the new guys are great too! Harold could really hit those high notes and Joe got pretty low. They did a wonderful job; I was impressed. Here are a few pics from the night :D

Mrs. Cindy! She's Archie's wife. Sweetest little lady you will ever meet. :)

Archie Watkins - Tenor for AW&SMR. :)

Eddie Dietz - Baritone for AW&SMR. He was my favorite original. He kissed me on the cheek when I told him that. :')

Troy Burns, lead for AW&SMR :)

Marlin Shubert - Bass for AW&SMR. :)

Luke Vaught - Musician for The Inspirations. :)

Harold Reed - The Inspirations new tenor. :)

Matt Dibler - Lead singer for The Inspirations. :)

Martin Cook - Piano player for The Inspirations. The man who started it all 51 years ago. :)

Joe Brown - New bass singer for The Inspirations. :)

Melton Campbell - Baritone for The Inspirations. :)

I hope yall have a great Easter. He is risen! ♥♥♥

Once again, I've gotten really bad at this. Or I've never gotten good at it...

It's been over a month since I posted anything on here. O.o

That afternoon, I had a consultation with an orthodontist {Dr. Durham is the best, btw!},
AND (insert drumroll here) after wanting/needing them as long as I can remember, I've gotten braces!! :D I've had them almost 3 weeks now, and let me tell ya, that first week was torture. My mouth felt like there were razors slicing my cheeks open. After I got over that, I had to learn how to chew again. If you know me at all, you know I can't deal with stuff interrupting my eating! xD It's been a pretty good road since then. I accidentally ate a piece off of them yesterday and didn't realize it until I went to brush my teeth after lunch. They fixed it in less than 2 minutes; they're thebomb.com :)

Spring has finally sprung around here. There are flowers blooming, green grass growing, and fish biting! I got a new fishing pole this year. I had been dying to go fishing, and I finally got to last week. I begged daddy to go with me, and finally talked him into it. He cast maybe 3 times and caught a fish! Then Tate got to the pond and caught a couple. Syrenia came and even she caught something!! (No offense, S♥) It was getting close to 6:30 when Tyler came out there and he caught one in less than 10 minutes. I think their total catches were Daddy - 3, Tate - 3, Syrenia - 2, and Tyler - 1 [He wasn't out there very long, though.] After me nearly dying to go, I ended up not catching a single fish. >_< But, I may be going again this weekend, so I'm sure I'll catch something then!!

I finally got my Easter outfit together with just a few days to spare. I'm wearing a lace coral dress with a white cardigan & brown shoes (that took forever and a day to find because I'm so picky!) I wasn't too sure about the dress at first, but it'll do. We're having our annual "Relay for Life Bake Sale" at work Friday. Hopefully it'll be a hit!! I guess I;m about to head to the kitchen to bake. Wish me luck!!



•Luke 24:1-3•

^{1 Now upon the first [day] of the week, very early in the morning, they came unto the sepulchre, bringing the spices which they had prepared, and certain [others] with them.

² And they found the stone rolled away from the sepulchre.

³ And they entered in, and found not the body of the Lord Jesus.}